TOW everything collapses
by Daniela
Summary: The conitinuation of TOW a long time after. Monica keeps a big secret as does Chandler...


The One Were Everything Collapses  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I had not planned to write a sequel but since so many thought that I had I decided to write one. In my opinion it's not my best work but I hope you will find it interesting. I had actually written this fanfic a while ago but in a different time period. Also in the meantime I read fanfics on the net and came to the conclusion that this fanfic sounded a lot like a few others so I had to change it a bit. Now I think that I've finally gotten it to not look anything like anyone else's (at least not anyone that I've read so far). But if someone feel like they have been copied then I apologise but I didn't do it on purpose, I swear.   
Warning: This one is also sappy, but not as much as the first.  
  
Note: This is the second part of "TOW a long time after". It has been about six months since the last one took place. This is what has happened so far. Chandler and Monica are still dating but they are taking things slow. Everybody knows about them. Ross and Rachels son Tobias is now six months old and... well they're happy. Joey and Mandy have gotten engaged but they haven't yet set a date for the wedding. Phoebe is single. Chandler still lives in Staten Island but comes to visit the others almost everyday. Jamie and Marc are living together in Marc's apartment.  
  
Monica was lying in Chandler's bed sleeping when the phone suddenly rang. She rubbed her eyes and got up to get it. Chandler had gone to work early that morning and had not wanted to wake her up. When Monica finally found the phone, behind a couch cushion she could hear Chandler's voice against her ear.   
"Hi sweetie" she said, yawned big and sunk down on a kitchen chair.   
"I take it that I woke you up" Chandler confirmed.   
Monica nodded but then she realized that he couldn't see that.   
"Yap" she said and rested her head in her hands.   
"Good because you gotta get ready to go to work" Chandler replied. Monica sat up abruptly.   
"What time is it?" she wondered and looked at the clock on the wall. "Half past seven?! I'm gonna be late!" she yelled into the phone. "Monica you don't start until nine o'clock" Chandler reminded her. Monica froze.   
"But today's wednseday" she protested.   
"No today's thursday" Chandler said.   
Monica just stared at the calender on the refrigator. It was thursday? "Honey?"   
She could hear Chandler's voice and she realized that she had gone quiet.   
"Are you ok?" he wondered and sounded concerned.   
"I'm fine" Monica said quickly. "I just forgot"   
Chandler chuckled.   
"You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your body"   
Monica couldn't help but smile.   
"I love you too" she replied and hung up.   
She looked at the calendar confused. She could've sworn that today was the twelfth. She shook her head and went upstairs to get dressed.   
*****************   
Phoebe was standing in the kitchen cooking and Rachel was sitting on the floor playing with Tobias when Monica entered.   
"Hey Monica" Rachel said and got up.   
Tobias grumbled and reached his arms up after her. Rachel smiled and lifted her son. Monica watched the two with a worried yet warm smile on her face. Phoebe noticed this but decided not to say anything about it.   
"Hey Phoebe, Rach. Hi Toby" Monica said and looked at Tobias who was busy sucking his thumb.   
Rachel looked at her son lovingly and put him down in his chryst. "You're back early" Phoebe commented and looked at Monica.   
"Yeah I had to go home and change clothes before I went to work" Monica explained but she sounded very absent.   
Her eyes were focused on Rachel and Tobias, suddenly she snapped out of it and went into her room. Phoebe looked at Rachel but she hadn't noticed Monica watching her though she was occupied rocking Tobias to sleep. Up until now Monica had not been a bit jealous at Rachel probably mostly because she finally had found her own special someone. Phoebe hadn't really been surprised when Chandler and Monica revealed that they were going to try and have a relationship. She had seen the looks that they gave eachother. She was really happy for them, Chandler was beginning to become his old upbeat self again and Monica was almost never sad. But now Phoebe looked at Monica's bedroom door with a puzzled look on her face. Monica had seemed so absent. Phoebe shook off the unpleasant feeling and instead concentrated on her cooking.  
*****************   
Chandler was having lunch in the cafeteria when Marc came up to him. "Is this seat taken?" he wondered.  
Chandler smiled sarcastically.   
"Oh yeah, can't you see that the ambassador of the invisible people is sitting right next to me?"   
Marc snorted and sat down next to him.  
"Were you always this obnoxious?" he wondered and removed the foil from his subway sandwich.   
Chandler shook his head.   
"No, I was worse"   
"Is that even possible?" Marc wondered and faked a gasp then he smiled. "No but seriously I'm really happy that you aren't unhappy anymore"   
Chandler gave him a nod of acens. He was not miserable anymore and that was priceless to him. Monica had made him push past Julia's death and start focusing on the future. Of course he still thought about her sometimes and he visited her grave every now then but he didn't tense up every time she came up in a conversation. He and Monica were becoming quite serious as well, but it hadn't been an easy road to take. In the beginning he felt like he was betrayding Julia by having feelings for another woman but then he thought about Julia's last words and managed to push the guilt away.   
"...is tomorrow ok with you?" Marc continued and Chandler suddenly realized that he hadn't been listening to him at all.   
"What?" he said and looked at Marc.   
Marc sighed.   
"I asked you if you and Monica would like to come over to our place for dinner" Marc repeated.   
Chandler thought for a while.   
"Sure" he answered and drank some of his coffee. "How is it going with you and Jamie anyway?" he wondered and looked at Marc.   
"It's going great" Marc replied and smiled. "If this is what being in love is like I wouldn't mind being in love for ever"   
Chandler smiled.   
"Who knows, maybe you will be" he replied.   
"How is it going with you and Monica?" Marc wondered and turned to Chandler.   
"It's amazing" he said and let out a joyous sigh. "To be honest I didn't think I would ever meet anyone that would be as wonderful as Julia" he admitted.   
"But you did" Marc reminded him.   
Chandler smiled. Yes he had and he would never let her go.  
*****************   
Monica was walking back and forth in her apartment waiting for Chandler to arrive. They were going to watch a movie then go to bed. She had to talk to Chandler about something but she had no idea how to bring up the subject. She didn't get to think long because Chandler entered holding his briefcase and a plastic bag.   
"Hi honey" he said and gave her a light kiss. Monica just smiled nervously.   
"What did you rent?" she wondered trying to act normal.   
Chandler opened the bag.   
"Well you get to choose between 'Deuce Bigalo, male gigalo', 'American Beauty' or 'Breakfustclub'"   
Monica thought for a while.   
"Breakfustclub" she finally decided.   
Chandler nodded, took the videotape out of its case, put it in the VCR and sat down next to Monica. Monica decided that now was not a good time to bring up what she had wanted to say, instead she leaned her head against his shoulder and tried to focus on the movie.   
*****************   
As the credits rolled over the screen Chandler yawned. As much as he loved 'Breakfustclub' he had already seen it five times. He looked down at Monica who had, this time too, fallen asleep. He smiled slightly, she always fell asleep watching a movie. But this time she hadn't fallen asleep leaning on his shoulder and this time he didn't feel bad about waking her up.   
"Monica" he whispered and shook her carefully. "Monica" he repeated and shook her a little harder.   
Monica slowly opened her eyes.   
"What?" she murmured and hid her face in a cushion.   
"The movie's over" Chandler said and removed the pillow from her face. "How did it end?" Monica wondered, sat up and stretched her arms.   
"It ended the same way it has every time we've watched it" Chandler reminded her.   
Monica sighed.   
"Well I wouldn't know, I've always fallen asleep"   
Chandler grinned.   
"Do you know what the best thing to do when you're sleepy?" he wondered.   
"No" Monica replied and yawned big.   
"Going to bed" Chandler confirmed and pulled her up. "Now away you go"   
*****************   
Monica couldn't sleep. She could hear Chandler's steady breaths next to her. He had had no problem going to sleep but Monica was worried. She had had a sneaking suspicion for the past two months and she was pretty sure that she knew why.   
Although she didn't know how to tell Chandler. If there is anything to tell him, she reminded herself and sighed. Suddenly she remembered something, she looked over at Chandler to make sure that he wouldn't wake up.   
Then she slowly got out of bed. He sighed a little and rolled over on his stomach but he didn't wake up. She quickly snuck out of her bedroom and into the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and opened a secret little pocket in the wall behind the wallpaper. She looked at the test with tears in her eyes. She had been right. She was pregnant.   
*****************   
When Chandler woke up in the middle of the night he found Monica sitting on the edge of the bed looking thoughtful.   
Chandler slowly rose and sat down next to her.   
"Mon" he said softly.   
This made Monica jump, she hadn't realized that he had awoke.   
"What are you doing up?" she wondered and looked at him.   
"I could ask you the same thing" Chandler replied and met her eyes. Monica sighed.   
"I can't sleep" she explained.   
"Have you tried?" Chandler wondered, Monica shook her head. "Then I suggest that you lie down, shut your eyes and try to block out everything in your mind, that always works for me"   
Monica managed to give him a small smile.   
She laid down next to him with her head on his chest.   
"Chandler?" she whispered as she felt the sleepiness coming over her. "Yeah?"  
"I love you" she whispered and tried her best to stop the tears forming in her eyes from running down her cheeks.   
"I love you too" Chandler responded and kissed her lightly on her forehead.  
*****************   
Monica was sitting at the kitchentable looking distressed. Chandler had left for work about a half hour ago, before he had gone he had reminded her of the dinner with Marc and Jamie. Monica sighed. She didn't really feel like seeing people right now. She needed to get her head together but she had no idea how to tell him. How would he react? Would he leave her? No he wouldn't, would he? She hid her face in her hands. All of her thoughts were spinning around in her head mixing up into an endless mess that she couldn't salve no matter how hard she tried. She was pregnant. With Chandler's child.   
She was feeling a lot of things right now, happiness, guilt, sadness but most of all she felt worried. They had only been going out for six months. 'But he had married Julia after three months', the positive voice in her head told her. 'On the other hand he said that he wanted to take things slow' the negative voice in her head proclaimed.   
Monica nervously twitched a lock of hair between her fingers. Why couldn't I have picked Christianism when we got to study religions, she thought and sighed. Right now all she could think about was Yin and Yang, the building foundations of Taoism. Yin was feminine, cold, negative and dark whilst Yang was masculine, hot, positive and light. That was the balance system that the world needed to go round. Both Yin and Yang were necessary to make everything right. That was why she had two voices in her head arguing over her life. Those were her Yin's and Yang's. But she had a horrid feeling that the Yin side would win this time.  
*****************   
Chandler was sitting at his desk looking thoughtful, there had been something wrong with Monica but he couldn't figure out what was bothering her. Thinking that she would tell him in her own time he had decided to leave her alone. Now he was in his office working hard, or at least that's what everyone thought he was doing, the truth was that he was chatting on the internet with Jeremy.   
Chandler had known him all of his life and always kept contact with him throughout the years. It was something that he had never told Monica about and he felt guilty but he knew that he couldn't tell her. He was legally forbidden to tell anyone, even Julia hadn't known. She had noticed him e-mailing someone but when she had asked him about it she had always gotten the same answer; he was e-mailing an old friend. Chandler wondered how Julia would've reacted if he had told her the truth, and most importantly how Monica would react when he told her the truth. Jeremy was his son. It still felt weird saying it since Jeremy didn't know that Chandler was his father.   
For all he knew Chandler had been a good friend of the family. Throughout the years Chandler had tried to imagine what Jeremy would say when he learned the truth about his parents. He sighed. He could still remember it like yesterday. He had been seventeen and had been going out with his neighbour Gwen for over year.   
They had known eachother their whole lives and were best friends as well. It had been a chilly december evening, it was like the sky had decided to empty all the water that the clouds contained all at once. There had been a knock on the door and he had gone to open it. It had been Gwen. She had been dripping wet,looking extremely nervous and worried. He hadn't realized it at the time but she had been crying. When he had asked her what was wrong she had just shook her head and refused to tell him. They had both been tired and decided to go to bed early. When he was almost asleep he could hear her say the words that would change his life forever.   
"Chandler I'm pregnant"   
Chandler hadn't had the slightest idea of how to react.   
"Ok" he had said not meaning it at all.   
Gwen had turned around to face him.   
"Ok? Is that all you can say?" she had said and gotten really mad. "What do you want me to say?" he had wondered looking at her.   
"Just say something, anything, just don't say that it's ok because I know it's not!" she had continued getting out of bed.   
"Fine I'll say something else. What are you going to do?" he had asked her, he too getting out of bed.   
She had looked at him with tears in her eyes.   
"I don't have much of a choice do I?" she replied.   
It hadn't been so much a question as it had been a statement. Chandler knew what she meant. Her parents were very strictly christians and to them abortion was out of the question. So was premarital sex too for that matter but it was a little late to do anything about that now. He remembered how shocked his mother had gotten when they told her. And not to mention how his friends and classmates had reacted.   
When he looked back at it he knew that he had had it easy compered to what Gwen had been going through. It didn't show on him that he was becoming a father but everyone knew that Gwen was becoming a mother. She had made it clear to him from the beginning that she could do it by herself and that he didn't have to feel guilty, but he had protested.   
It was just as much his baby as it was hers and he wouldn't just leave her. Her parents had never been fond of him and now they hated him but Gwen didn't care, instead she practically moved in with him and his mom the last few months of her pregnancy.   
On September 8:th she had given birth to a beautiful baby boy that they already had decided to name Jeremy. Chandler got interrupted in his thoughts by Marc entering.   
"Hey Chandler don't forget, our place at eight!" he said and Chandler nodded absent.   
"Hello? Anybody there?" Marc wondered and waved his hand in front of Chandler.   
Chandler snapped out of his daze and looked at Marc.   
"I already told you, I don't have the file to the Benderson case" Chandler said, Marc sighed.   
"Did you even hear what I said to you?" Chandler shook his head.   
"I told you not to forget about tonight" he said yet again and looked at Chandler. "Eight o'clock at my place" he continued as he saw that Chandler didn't have the slightest idea what he was talking about.   
"Oh right!" Chandler said now remembering.   
Marc looked at him.   
"You're mind seemed to be hundreds of miles away" he pointed out. Chandler nodded.   
"It was" he responded and looked at the computerscreen with the newest letter from Jeremy.  
*****************   
Monica was working like in a daze not having the slightest idea what she was doing or why she was doing it. Jamie had had to nudge her numerous of time so that she wouldn't fall asleep. She still didn't have any idea of how to break the news to Chandler.   
The more she ran the thought through her head the more she was convinced that his reaction wouldn't be the one she would want to hear. Suddenly she could feel Jamie nudge her again.   
"Hello?" she said and waved her hand in front of Monica. "Are you even listening to me?" she wondered, Monica shook her head feeling a bit guilty.   
"No sorry, my mind was somewhere else"   
Jamie looked at her friend, she hadn't noticed how tensed Monica was. "Are you ok?" she wondered and looked worried.   
Monica managed to give her a small smile.   
"Yeah I'm fine, so what were you saying?" she said trying to change the subject.   
"I was saying that I got offered a job in Pennsylvania by my cousin who has just started up a new restaurant"   
"Did you take it?" Monica wondered, Jamie shook her head.   
"Are you kidding, not when things are going so great with Marc" she proclaimed and smiled to herself.   
"How are things going with you and Chandler by the way?" she continued.   
"Things are fine, why wouldn't they be?" Monica said quickly.   
Jamie gave her an odd stare.   
"Ok, just don't forget to remind him about tonight"   
Monica gave her an confused look.   
"What about tonight?" she wondered.   
Jamie sighed.   
"Dinner at our place at eight o'clock, that's practically all I've been talking about ever since you got here"   
Monica gave her an apologetic look.   
"Sorry"   
"What is with you today, your mind seems to be hundreds of miles away" she pointed out.   
Monica nodded.   
"It is"  
*****************   
Monica was standing in her room trying to figure out what to wear. She didn't feel like having dinner with Jamie and Marc at all.   
It was hard enough trying to act normal around Chandler. She knew that she had to confront him about this sometime, it wasn't like he wouldn't notice it when it would begin to show.   
Finally she decided on a dark green dress. It covered her figure pretty good and it suited her mood exactly. She looked over at her bed and considered if she should write this down in her diary, with a glimpse at the time she took it out and began to write.  
*****************   
When Chandler entered Monica's apartment no one was there. He looked at his watch, no he was on time.   
"Monica?" he said and looked around but he didn't get an answer. "Monica?" he said again a bit louder, suddenly she emerged from the bathroom looking pale. "Are you ok?" he wondered and looked concerned.   
Monica nodded silently.   
"I'm fine" she said in a low voice and looked down.   
"Is something wrong?"   
Monica shook her head violently and looked up at him with a small smile. "No everythings fine" she confirmed and gave him a light kiss.   
"Come on, we don't want to keep Marc and Jamie waiting"   
Chandler gave her an odd look but shook off the unpleasant feeling and followed her out the door.   
*****************   
Monica was lying awake in bed for the second night in a row. Chandler had fallen asleep almost immediately as always but Monica had stayed awake. She kept thinking about what he had said earlier tonight. The dinner had gone smoothly and when they had gotten home she decided to tell him about her pregnancy.   
"Chandler..." she had began and looked at him. "Where do you think this relationship is going?" she had finished not having the guts to just say it right out loud.   
Chandler thought for a moment.   
"I don't really know" he had said, looking uncomfortable.   
"What do you mean?" Monica had said surprised.   
"I just mean... we haven't been dating for so long, you never know what will happen in the future..." he had said trailing off and looking down. Monica thought that he might as well just have slapped her, he didn't know were their relationship was going. When he noticed her hurt look he quickly tried to make her feel better.   
"I just don't like thinking about the future or about changes, why can't we just stay like we are now?"   
But what he had thought would be comforting words only made Monica's heart ache more. He didn't want changes. She felt a tear roll down her cheek and quickly pushed it away afraid that it could lead to a sob that would wake Chandler up.   
Now she knew that she couldn't tell him. But she also knew that she couldn't go through with an abortion. With one last look at Chandler she made a decision.   
*****************   
As soon as Chandler left for work that morning Monica began to pack. She only took the things that she found necessary, which included her photoalbum and her diary. Deep inside she knew that she should stay and tell him but if he would tell her to get an abortion she knew that she would break down. She loved him so much and the thought of him abandoning her made her ill. Even if he didn't tell her to get an abortion she knew that he would think it was too soon even if he didn't say it. She knew that she had to get as far away as possible but she didn't have that much money so she would have to settle for somewhere pretty close to here.   
Suddenly she remembered something, hadn't Jamie said something about one of her cousins opening a restaurant in Pennsylvania? That would be perfect! With one last look around her old room she picked up her backpack and left.  
*****************   
The same night Rachel and Ross went over to Monica's place to see if she wanted to watch Tobias for a while. Chandler was sitting at the kitchen table with Phoebe next to him looking heartbroken. At first Rachel thought that something had happened to Monica.   
"What's going on? Where's Monica?" she wondered and looked at Phoebe.   
Chandler was looking down at a piece of paper not really taking notice of what happened around him.   
"I don't know" she said and sighed.   
"Is that a note from her? Does it say when she's coming back?" Ross wondered.   
Suddenly Chandler looked up.   
"She's not" he said.   
"She's not what?" Rachel wondered.   
"She's not coming back"   
Ross looked completely devastated but that was nothing compared to how Chandler looked. He was a mess. What bothered Rachel the most about Monica's sudden disappearance was that she hadn't even said goodbye. She was also worried about her best friend, what on earth could have possessed Monica to just leave? Sure she had looked a little worried for the past few days but what would make her so nervous that she couldn't stay?   
"Why isn't she coming back?" Ross wondered interrupting Rachel's thoughts.   
"She got a chef job somewhere" Phoebe explained.   
"And she just took of, without telling anyone?"   
Chandler nodded.   
"I called Jamie to find out where Monica had gone and she said that Monica never had mentioned anything about a new job to her"   
Chandler didn't know what more to do, he had lost the person he promised himself to never let go off.  
*****************   
Chandler was sitting at his kitchentable trying to work but he kept glancing over at the letter that Monica had left for him. He picked it up and read it over and over again even though he almost knew the words by heart.  
  
"Dear Chandler,  
I'm sorry to just take of like this without talking to you first but I got this great job in Pennsylvania that I just couldn't say no to. I would be running my own restaurant, I just can't pass this offer by. You understand don't you? Please don't be mad but this means the world to me and we weren't that serious anyway, right? Tell the rest of the guys that I'm fine, I just have got a lot of work to do these first few months, maybe I'll get in contact with you later.   
Love, Monica."   
  
Chandler now knew that he was the biggest idiot in the world, telling Monica that they weren't that serious. If he had told her how he really felt about her, how much he loved her, maybe she would've stayed. He remembered that night he had found her sitting on the bed looking worried. She was probably thinking about wether or not to take that job. With a sigh he tried to focus on his work.  
*****************  
Monica stepped out of the bus and looked around. So this was Pennsylvania. She had only been here one time before and then she had just been passing through.   
She picked up her suitcase and looked at the paper in her hand with the address for the restaurant. How in the world was she supposed to find it now? It was beginning to get dark and she was exhausted. She made a decision to first find a hotelroom for the night then the next day she would find the restaurant and hopefully get work.  
*****************  
Marc watched Chandler with a worried look. He was pretending to be concentrating on the meeting but Marc knew where his mind really was, with Monica. He had not believed his ears when Chandler had told him what had happened. Neither had Jamie, she had had no idea that Monica had gotten a new job and was just as surprised as the others were.   
Marc had seen how much Chandler had come out of his shell when Monica had come along and it hurt him to see his friend miserable again, but there was not much he could do about that.   
Monica was gone and that was that.  
*****************  
Monica was standing outside of a restaurant weighing on wether this was it or not. She had already been to four places and neither of them had had a boss named Laura. This had to be the one. As she looked around she saw a guy wiping tables, she went over to him.   
"Excuse me" she said and patted him on the shoulder.   
He turned around surprised but smiled when he saw her.   
"Well hello" he said flirty and eyed her.   
Monica pretended not to notice.   
"Does someone named Laura Johansen work here?" she asked.   
"Work, no. Runs the place, yes" the guy responded. "Who are you anyway?" he asked.   
"I'm a friend of her cousins, my name's Monica Geller" Monica explained and extended her hand.   
Instead of shaking it the guy lifted it up and gave it a kiss.   
"Nice to meet you, Monica Geller. I'm John" he said and released her hand.   
"Ok, John, could I talk to her?" Monica wondered and dried of her hand, a bit disgusted.   
"Sure, come with me" he said and led her into a office behind the kitchen. "Boss there's someone here to see you!" he shouted as he stepped through the door with Monica after him.   
"Hi I'm Monica Geller, I'm a friend of your cousins" Monica said and looked nervous.   
She wished that John would go away he really gave her the creeps.   
"Sit down, please" Laura said and waved her hand to one of the empty chairs opposite her. Monica sat down and to her surprise John sat down in the other chair.   
"What can I do for you, Monica?" Laura wondered and looked at her. Monica swallowed and tried to act cool.   
"I was wondering if I could get a job here" she said and pleaded in her head for a yes. Laura looked thoughtful.   
"Well I don't have anything open at the moment but if you stay in touch I could give you a call" she suggested.   
"No you don't understand I need a job now" Monica explained and looked at her.   
"Why now?" Laura wondered.   
"You see I just moved here from New York and I don't have that much money, I don't even have enough money to stay in a descent hotel" Monica felt tears in her eyes but blinked them away.   
"I can't give you a steady job although one of our chef's is on the maternaty leap for a few months so you could fill in for her" Monica felt the relief flush over her.   
"I'll do it" she said without a seconds thought.   
*****************   
Monica was sitting on a chair in the kitchen trying to regain her strength. Sometimes all of the different odours in there made her nauseous. She put her hand on her belly. She was now five months pregnant and the baby had just recently started to kick. It was an amazing feeling, she just wished that she had someone to share it with. But what was done was done. Monica didn't have a thought about going back now. Although she knew that she couldn't keep it from the others forever. Ross would have to know, and that automatically meant that Rachel would know.  
Life in Pennsylvania wasn't bad at all. It was a bit more chilly than in New York but otherwise it was a lot like home. Jamie's cousin Laura had turned out to be just as nice as Jamie. Monica had told her all about Chandler and why she had moved away. Laura had many times tried to get Monica to tell him but she had blankly refused. She didn't dare to face him now. With a sigh she looked at the clock. Her break was nearly over. It was really hectic today though there was a flue going around and many of the waiters were at home, sick. She got up on her feet, took a deep breath then got back to work.  
*****************   
Mandy was sitting at table waiting for Joey and her parents to arrive. They were beginning to plan the wedding and since her parents, who usually lived in Florida, were in Pennsylvania visiting her aunt she had suggested they all would meet up there.   
She had also remembered that Monica now lived there and that it would be fun to see her again. She missed her. Not as much as Chandler did, though, nowadays he looked miserable almost all the time. She felt so bad for him. She looked around she was getting really thirsty, she ordered a glass of water and sat back in her chair waiting for the others.  
*****************   
Monica was just about to go out from the kitchen into the restaurant area when her eyes caught sight of something. It was Mandy. Monica took a hold of the desk next to her to steady herself.   
What was she doing here? Did she know? Had she seen her yet?   
Monica hurried back into the kitchen and almost collided with John.   
"Oh my god I'm so sorry" she stuttered but John just looked at her and smiled.   
"What are you doing, you look like you've just seen a ghost" he said and gave her a curious look.   
Monica nodded.   
"Something to that effect" she said and pointed at Mandy. "You see the girl over there?" she wondered.   
John looked at where she pointed.   
"Yeah, she's my customer"   
"Ok that is an old friend of mine so if she asks if I work here say no" John seemed surprised.   
"Why?" he wondered.   
"Because she doesn't know that I'm pregnant. And she's engaged to my baby's fathers best friend" Monica explained and looked down.   
"You don't like making things easy for yourself" John proclaimed.   
"But don't worry I wont say anything" he added.   
"Thank you I really appreciate it" she said and looked at John with a relieved expression on her face. John smiled.   
"Don't worry about it, babe" he said and gave her a small hug. With that he went out with the glass of water. Monica looked after him, when she had first gotten there he had flirted constantly with her until he found out about her history. He reminded her of Joey, always joke flirting. She missed Joey and the rest of the gang. But most of all she missed Chandler. Monica shook her head, there was no point in wishful thinking instead she went to talk to Laura about taking the day off. She didn't want to risk running into Mandy.  
*****************   
Phoebe was cleaning the whole apartment. It wasn't exactly funny but since Monica left it was something that had fallen on her shoulders. She had already done the kitchen, the livingroom and her bedroom. Now all that was left was Monica's bedroom and the bathroom.   
Which one she would start with was an easy decision. She picked up the vacuumcleaner and headed for Monica's room. Well inside she hit the 'on' button and started to vacuum.   
As she vacuumed under the bed she accidently tipped over the waste-paper basket. As she picked up the things that had fallen out her eye caught sight of something. It was a wrinkled envelope that was addressed to Chandler. Phoebe knew she shouldn't open it but her curiousness took over and she decided to read it.   
  
"Dear Chandler,   
I know that you're probably wondering why I just took of like that and why I didn't tell you in person. Here's the reason: I'm pregnant. When you said that you weren't really sure about where this relationship was going I knew that I couldn't tell you. If I had told you you just would've felt obligated to be with me and I didn't want that. Don't think I don't love you because I do and that is why I'm leaving. Maybe one day you'll understand that what I'm doing is for the best but for now all I can leave you with is a 'thank you' for giving me the one thing I've always wanted, a baby.  
Love Monica"  
  
Phoebe just stared at the letter for a while then she got up and hurried out the door.  
*****************  
Chandler had fallen asleep while watching TV so when Phoebe arrived he had been very surprised. She looked really nervous and when he asked her to sit down she said no.   
"Pheebs, what's wrong?" Chandler wondered and rubbed his eyes. "Besides the obvious of course" he added.   
"Did you mean what you said about how you didn't know where your and Monica's relationship was going?" Phoebe asked and looked at him. Chandler shook his head.   
"No, not a bit, but... I don't know, I guess the question just startled me" he proclaimed and sighed.   
"So if you could take it back you would?" Phoebe wondered.   
Chandler nodded.   
"Yes. Pheebs, I love Monica so much and I can't believe I said that to her" Phoebe looked at him, she could see that he was telling the truth.   
"I got something you might would like to see" she said and handed him the envelope.   
"What's this?" Chandler wondered as he opened it.   
"I found it in Monica's room" Phoebe explained and looked at him as he read it. First his expression changed from calm, to worried then to sad. "I can't believe it" he said as he let the paper sink to the ground.   
"She's pregnant" he whispered to himself and stared down at his hands. Phoebe looked at Chandler worried.   
"Are you ok?" she wondered.   
"Ok? I am anything but ok!" Chandler said so harshly that Phoebe took a step back.   
"Sorry" Phoebe said quietly.   
Chandler sighed.   
"No Phoebs, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. In fact I should thank you"   
He gave her a quick hug and rushed out the door. Phoebe looked after him. She just hoped she had done the right thing in telling him.  
*****************  
Monica was sitting in the park not really knowing what to do.   
First she had thought about going home but it was such a beautiful day. Beautiful but cold she thought as she shivered a little. Although the sun was shining there wasn't much heat on the ground. She turned her face up against the sky and closed her eyes. It was so peaceful here. Suddenly she heard something.   
"Monica?" someone said. Monica looked straight ahead but since her face had been turned up against the sun all her eyes could see was sunspots. She had to blink many times to get rid of them but she still didn't see that clear. Just when she thought that it might just have been her imagination she heard his voice again.  
"Monica" a man said.   
This time he was closer. Monica would've recognised that voice anywhere. It was Chandler.   
How could it be him? she wondered. It couldn't be him, she was delusional. Now she saw the man closer. Her eyes met with the same blue eyes that she had left three months ago. Monica still refused to believe it was really him. She closed her eyes hoping that the hallucination would go away but when she opened her eyes again he was still there.   
"Monica" Chandler repeated, now he was right in front of her.   
Monica felt how the ground was beginning to spin and everything started to dissolve, then everything went black.  
*****************  
Monica slowly opened her eyes and found herself staring up at a white roof. She looked at her right. There Chandler was conversating with a doctor, they stopped talking when they noticed that she had woken up. "Where am I?" Monica wondered.   
"You're in the hospital" Chandler said softly.   
"Why?" Monica asked.   
"You fainted" Chandler responded and looked a bit guilty.   
Monica was confused. Why had she fainted when she saw him that time in the park? Then she remembered.   
"My baby" she said slowly. "Is it alright!?"   
She tried to sit up but Chandler gently pushed her back down in bed. The doctor came up to her on her left side.   
"Monica, when you passed out, the oxygen supply to the baby was cut off for at least a few minutes" he began but got interrupted by Monica. "Why can't you just answer my question, is the baby alright!?"   
"I was getting to that, we need to give you a scan to confirm if any damage has been done. Then for double safety we've taken an amniocentesis. Now since you were already in a steady position when you fainted there are very small changes of any physical wounds, and since you got to the hospital so quickly there are just minimum risks of any other damage" the doctor said, but what was meant as comforting words only made Monica more nervous.   
"Are you saying that my baby could have brain damage?" she whispered with tears in her eyes.   
"Like I said we will know more when we do the scan" the doctor repeated.   
"But the most important thing you must consider now is to relax" "Relax?!" Monica almost spitted out the words with the lump in throat growing larger by the second. "How can you ask me to be calm now?!" she sobbed with tears running down her cheeks.   
Chandler went up to her.   
"Shh, Monica everything's going to be fine, I promise" he whispered and looked her in the eyes.   
"I can't loose this baby too, Chandler" Monica whispered back and met his gaze.   
They looked at eachother for a while then the doctor came back in with the scan and a file. "Well according to the test everything seems perfectly normal" he said and Monica relaxed a bit. "Now all we have to do is see if the baby's healthy"   
Monica looked up at Chandler who gave her a comforting look and took her hand. Monica gave him a small smile.   
"Thank you" she mouthed at him.   
Meanwhile the doctor was getting everything for her scan.   
"Ok Monica this could feel a bit cold" he warned her as he rubbed some gel on her stomach.   
But Monica couldn't care less, all she cared about was how her baby was doing. Their baby, she thought and glanced up at Chandler who was staring at her belly. As the doctor began the scan she concentrated on the screen to her left.   
"Let's see... everything looks good, the heartbeat is steady, as far as I can see your baby is perfectly healthy" the doctor proclaimed.   
Monica had never been so relieved in her whole life. Her baby was going to be fine. She once again glanced up at Chandler who also looked relieved.   
"Would you like to know the gender?" the doctor wondered and looked at Monica.   
Monica turned to Chandler with a pleading look and he gave her a supportive nod. Monica nodded to the doctor and he looked at the screen.   
"Then all I can say is... congratulations you're having a girl"   
"A girl?" Monica whispered with tears in her eyes.   
The doctor nodded.   
"I'm having a baby girl" Monica said to herself and sighed happily.   
She looked up at Chandler who seemed to be in a world of his own, she would give anything to know where that world was.  
*****************  
Ross, Rachel, Joey, Mandy and Phoebe were standing at a desk trying to get the nurses attention. Rachel was standing next to Ross with Tobias in her arms, trying to get him to go to sleep. Ross had called the others a while ago and told them that Monica was in the hospital. They had been in such a hurry to leave that Phoebe had completely forgotten to tell them about what she had found out.   
"For the fourth time, could you help me?!" Ross said, now getting really annoyed.   
The nurse looked at him with just as much interest as a cat looks at vegetables.   
"For the fourth time, you have to take a number then sit down and wait for your turn" she repeated and continued reading her magazine.   
Ross finally lost it and snapped the magazine out of her hand.   
"Listen lady, you have someone named Monica Geller here and I'm not leaving here until you tell me where she is!"   
The nurse looked at Ross for a while then she gave in and started searching on her computer.   
"Second floor, room 817" she said, reached out and took her magazine back.   
The gang hurried up the stairs to the second floor. Well there they could see a doctor coming out of Monica's room.   
"Excuse me" Ross said and the doctor turned around.   
"Can I help you with something?" he wondered.   
Ross nodded.   
"My name is Ross Geller, I'm Monica Geller's brother. I was wondering if she's ok"   
"She's doing just fine, so is the baby"   
Phoebe bit her lip and the others just stared at the doctor.   
"The... the what?" Ross got out.   
"The baby" the doctor repeated.  
Ross still looked clueless. Phoebe decided that they had heard enough. "Ok thank you" she said and the doctor left.   
Once he was gone the others turned to Phoebe.   
"Ok?" Rachel said.   
"You knew?!"   
Phoebe nodded.   
"I found out this morning" she said.   
"How?" Joey wondered.   
"I was cleaning her room and I found a note in the garbage that she had written to Chandler but never given him"   
"So it's Chandler's baby?" Rachel said and looked shocked.   
Phoebe nodded.   
"Oh my god! Does he know?" Phoebe nodded once again.   
"I told him"   
"How did he react?" Ross wondered and looked at her.   
"How do you think?"   
There was an awkward moments silence then Mandy spoke up.   
"Shouldn't we go in?"   
The others suddenly returned to reality and opened the door to Monica's hospitalroom.  
*****************  
Monica was trying to sleep. Chandler had left to get some coffee and the doctor had had other patients to deal with. But just as she was about to doze of she could hear the door open.   
At first she thought it was Chandler but then she saw Phoebe's blond head pop up through the door. Behind her was Ross, Joey, Mandy and Rachel carrying a sleeping Tobias. Phoebe looked completely normal but the others just looked shocked. Monica suddenly felt very nervous.   
"Hi guys" she said and twitched a lock of her hair between her fingers. The others didn't respond they just stared at her. Before everything became utterly uncomfortable Phoebe went over to her and sat down in the chair next to her.   
"How are you feeling?" she wondered and looked at Monica.   
"I'm a little shaken but otherwise I'm fine" Monica responded and managed to give her a small smile.   
"I hear that so is your BABY" Ross said as he went on the other side of the bed with Rachel next to him.   
Monica looked down.   
"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you guys but I was just so confused..." she began but Phoebe interrupted her.  
"That's ok" she said and gave her friend a comforting look.   
"Where you planning on telling us ever?"   
Ross couldn't help the sarcasm his tone took up but he was hurt. Hurt that Monica hadn't had the guts to tell her own brother that he was going to be an uncle. Rachel glared at her husband angrily but Monica didn't seem to mind.   
"Yes I was, how could I hide it from you?" she wondered and looked Ross in the eye. "I was just going to tell you when I felt up for it. But I might as well tell you now... Ross you're going to have a niece"   
Ross looked stunned.   
"It's a girl?" he wondered and looked at his sister.   
Monica nodded silently. Phoebe smiled and gave her a hug.   
"Just like you've always wanted" she whispered in Monica's ear before she released her.   
"Monica I know that you're..." Ross began but before he got a chance to finish what he was going to say, Chandler entered.   
"Look Mon, I really think that we need to talk..." he began but as he spotted the others and stopped dead in his tracks. "What are you guys doing here?" he wondered.   
"We could ask you the same thing" Rachel responded and looked at him curiously.   
Chandler didn't say anything instead he looked down in his coffee mug. Phoebe got up from her chair and started ushering the others out the door.   
"We'll be in the waiting room if you need us" she said before she closed the door.   
Chandler stood and weighed a bit but then he went up to her and sat down in the chair where Phoebe had been sitting.   
"Monica, why didn't you tell me?" Monica didn't feel like answering that question at all but she knew that she had to.   
"When you said that you wanted our relationship to stay right where it was I knew that the last thing you wanted was a baby" Monica murmured and avoided looking him in the eye.   
Chandler sighed.   
"Look Mon, I'm sorry about that, I..."   
"No, Chandler don't be sorry, what should I have expected from you? We'd only been dating for six months. Like you said we weren't that serious"  
It was with much difficulty that she got out those last words. She had thought that they were serious.   
"But Monica I didn't mean it" Chandler said desperately trying to get her to listen to him. "I only said that because... I was afraid. Everytime I've ever fallen in love I've ended up losing them, one way or another. That's why I couldn't allow myself to think about the future. That's why I always enjoy the moment, I never know wether or not that is going to be the last one I get"   
Monica wanted to believe him so much but she knew that she couldn't let her head fly away, not this time.   
"You're only saying this because of the baby" she said quietly and looked down at her hands.   
Chandler couldn't believe his ears.   
"What?" he managed to get out.   
"You heard me" Monica replied.   
"If you hadn't read that note that Phoebe found you never would've gone to Pennsylvania to find me"   
"But... I love you!" Chandler proclaimed feeling the anger growing inside of him.   
"Those are only words Chandler" Monica whispered with tears in her eyes. "If it hadn't been for the baby, you would've found another girl and you wouldn't be sitting here with me"   
"Do you want me to leave?"   
The question startled Monica a bit but it seemed like such a convenient solution, she couldn't stand the hurt look on his face.   
"Yes" she said.   
Chandler just stared at her for a while.   
"No, I'm not gonna go" he said harshly. "Not until you give me a reason to"   
Monica looked at him, it was as if all she had said to him was a lie. Just for a moment she thought about asking him to stay but she convinced herself that that would be too selfish.   
When Chandler saw that she was having second thoughts he took the moments opportunity and kissed her passionately. At first she responded to the kiss but then she pushed him away.   
"What are you doing?" she wondered and stared at him with both anger and sadness in her eyes.   
"Tell me that that kiss meant nothing to you and then I'll go" he explained and looked at her, dreading the worst.   
Monica opened her mouth but closed it again. She couldn't.   
"I can't say that" she said quietly avoiding eyecontact.   
Chandler felt a wave of relief flush over him but he knew that it wasn't over.   
"Ok then what's the problem?" he wondered. "I love you, you love me" "It's more to it than that" Monica protested.   
"No it isn't!" Chandler responded.   
"Yes it is!!!" Monica yelled, taking Chandler by surprise. "You can't just kiss me and think that that is going to make everything alright again, it doesn't work that way" she continued.   
"I never said that it did" Chandler defended himself.   
"No but you assume that just because we love eachother we can make this work" Monica proclaimed.   
"But we can" Chandler said desperate.  
"No, sometimes love isn't enough! Now could you please leave?" Monica wondered on the verge of sobbing.   
"But..." Chandler began. "GO!!!" Monica yelled and turned around. "Get out!!"   
Chandler looked at her for a bit then he turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind him.   
Monica started sobbing quietly, she had thought that she was doing the right thing but suddenly she wasn't so sure anymore.  
*****************  
Phoebe was sitting in the waiting room when she heard a door slam and then she saw Chandler walking fast past her looking both hurt and angry. "Chandler?" Phoebe said and got up from her chair.   
As Chandler turned around for a moment, she hurried up to him. "What happened?"   
Chandler shook his head.   
"Just don't" he said and continued walking.   
Phoebe looked after him then she went to check on Monica. When she entered she found Monica lying with her back turned against her, sobbing quietly. When she heard that someone had entered she stopped sobbing. "Chandler I told you to leave" she managed to get out before she choked up.   
"It's me, Phoebe" Phoebe said.   
She went over and sat down next to her. Monica rolled over and Phoebe could see that her eyes were red from crying.   
"What happened?" she wondered when she saw how miserable her friend looked.   
Monica took a deep breath.   
"I told him that I never wanted to see him again" she said and looked at Phoebe.   
"Why?"   
"Because... he came in and talked about how much he loved me and that we should try again and stuff"   
Phoebe gave her an odd glare.   
"Yeah, what a jerk"   
Monica looked at her.   
"Ok Mon, I'm sorry but why is that so horrible?" she continued. Monica sighed.   
"Because I knew that he only said it because of the baby" she explained. Phoebe stared at her best friend, was she really that stupid?   
"You think Chandler only said that because he felt forced to?" Monica nodded and Phoebe shook her head in astonishment.   
"I never thought that you would be such an idiot" Monica looked at her, surprised.   
"What?"   
"Mon, a blind dunkie could see that he loves you" Phoebe explained. "He did not tell you all those things because of the baby"   
"How can you be so sure?" Monica wondered suspiciously.   
Phoebe sighed.   
"Did you think I was so stupid that I just gave Chandler the note as soon as I found it? No, first I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't make a decision based on the fact that you were pregnant. That's why I had a talk with him before I told him the truth" she explained to Monica.   
"And what did he say?" Monica wondered and looked at Phoebe with newly gained hope in her eyes.   
"He said that he loved you and that he hadn't meant any of the stuff he said to you about how he didn't know where your relationship was going" Monica couldn't believe it, he had been telling her the truth. Still not willing to believe her too much Monica turned to Phoebe.   
"If it's true what you said that he regretted it then why didn't he come out to Pennsylvania to fix it?"   
Phoebe had been prepared for that question.   
"He had three reasons. Nr 1; You too said that you weren't that serious, nr 2; you said that you would be busy for the coming months and nr 3; you never told any of us where you were" she said.   
Suddenly Monica started to cry again.   
"What's wrong now?" Phoebe wondered surprised.   
"I thought you'd be happy to hear this" Monica looked at her. "I am it's just that, I wished you'd told me this earlier" she began. "I was so mean to him, I accused him of only doing this out of guilt and I yelled at him when he tried to talk some sense in to me. It doesn't matter if he did love me because I'm sure I ruined every change of him wanting to get back together with me after the things I said" she sobbed and Phoebe gave her a long hug.   
"Monica, you know that's not true" she comforted. "Love doesn't just go away over night, you will work this out. You're lobsters"   
Monica looked at Phoebe.   
"What do you mean by lobsters?" she wondered. "Lobsters is what Ross and Rachel are" Phoebe explained. "They're made for eachother, just like you two are"   
Monica looked at Phoebe, she only hoped that she was right.  
*****************   
A little while later Ross and Rachel were sitting in Monica's room waiting for the doctor to come back. Monica had fallen asleep and Ross and Rachel were talking quietly.   
"Look at her" Rachel whispered.   
"I can't believe that I'm going to be an uncle" Ross whispered back.   
"By the way, where's Chandler?" he wondered.   
They had been in there with Monica for about an hour and he hadn't come back yet.   
"I don't know" Rachel said and shook her head. "Phoebe said something about them having a huge fight and him storming out"   
"What was the fight about?" Ross wondered.   
"He said that he loved her and she thought that he only said it because of the baby and he got really mad and left, no one has seen him since" Ross looked at her in shock.   
"She thinks he only said that he loved her because of the baby? That's ridiculous!"   
Rachel nodded in agreement.   
"I know, but can you blame her? She hasn't seen him for three months, she hasn't seen how miserable he has been"   
This time Ross nodded in agreement. They didn't notice however that Monica had woken up and had heard everything they had said.   
"If there just was some way to convince Monica that she doesn't have to doubt him maybe they would get back together again" Rachel continued and looked thoughtful.   
"You don't have to"   
Rachel turned around at Monica who was looking at her.   
"You're awake?"   
Monica nodded.   
"I have been for a while. Could you go and get the doctor for me?"   
Ross gave her a worried look.   
"Are you ok?"   
"Physically yes, mentally no" she responded. "I need to get out of here, there's something I've got to do"   
Rachel nodded as if to show that she understood and Ross went to get the doctor. Rachel sat down with Tobias in her arms, first now she noticed that Monica had tears in her eyes.   
"What is it?" she wondered and looked concerned.   
"How did I come to this Rachel? Why couldn't it have been as simple as with you and Ross? Why did it have to mess up for me?"   
"Monica, our lives have not been down the easy road either. After Ross slept with that Xerox-girl I was devastated, it took months for me to regain my trust in him. Even now sometimes after we have a big fight I'm afraid that he will cheat on me"   
Monica looked up at Rachel surprised, she hadn't known that.   
"Rachel he wouldn't. You have a family together now and you're married"   
Rachel nodded.   
"I know, but once something bad has happened to you in a relationship you are always afraid that it could come back and haunt you. Just like you and..." she suddenly stopped talking and instead she looked down at Tobias playing with his hands.   
"Just like me and...?" Monica repeated but Rachel didn't answer. "Come on, I want to know. What is it that you think comes back to haunt me?" Rachel looked up.   
"Your relationship with Lewis"   
Her tone was normal and Monica blinked surprised.   
"What?"   
"Well think about it Mon. When you... had your miscarriage Lewis turned in to a complete jerk and broke your heart. Now that you got pregnant again by Chandler and took off weren't you deep inside worried that you would have another miscarriage?"   
Monica nodded silently and looked down at her belly, that thought had haunted her ever since she found out about the baby.   
"A bad experience never leaves your memory, maybe on some level you weren't just afraid of how Chandler would react to your pregnancy, you were afraid that if you had a miscarriage he would react just like Lewis had done that other time"   
Suddenly Monica looked up.   
"How do you do that?"   
Rachel gave her a confused look.   
"Do what?"   
"Know exactly how I feel"   
Rachel shrugged.   
"It's a gift"   
They laughed a little but suddenly Rachel went serious.   
"It's the same thing with Chandler. He had a wonderful marriage with a woman that he loved deeply and that ended in sorrow. Then he met you and I know that he really, really loves you, but as I said, a bad experience haunts you, that's why he wanted to take things slow"   
"I know, he said something about that before" Monica agreed. "But I didn't listen to him"   
*****************  
Chandler had gone home to think. He hated Monica for what she had said to him. But at the same time he loved her. She was his all and she knew that. At least that was what he had thought. Just the realization that Monica didn't want him anymore hurt him more than anything.   
She didn't even want to hear him out instead she had rejected him the second he walked through the door. At first he had tried to convince himself that it was because she had just been through a traumatic experience and was not in a clear state of mind.   
But he had only believed that lie for about ten seconds. Monica was strong and independent. Not exactly the person who liked to rely on someone else for too long. His first thought when he had seen her sitting on the park bench was that everything was going to be alright again. They would be together, he had been foolish enough to think that Monica only ran away because of the baby. Now he knew that it also was because she didn't know how to tell him that she didn't feel the same way that he felt about her.   
No wonder she had thrown away that letter, it was all just a big lie. Here he had thought that he had met the woman of his dreams and  
she didn't even feel it back.   
Sighing he logged out on the net. Whilst he had been away he had gotten four new mails from Jeremy. Neither of them were urgently in need for response but since he had nothing better to do he sat down and began to read them. When he had read half of them he came to think about something. What would he and Monica do about the baby. Just the thought of his daughter ending up in the same situation as him and Jeremy made him sick. Fare's fare that Monica no longer had any feelings for him but she couldn't keep him from seeing his daughter.   
He rubbed his temples, in just a few months he would have two children. He had often wondered how Jeremy would react when he learned that Chandler was his father. The more he thought about it, the more nervous he got about telling him. Now it was two months until his seventeenth birthday on which everything would be revealed. Chandler thought back on the day that had ruined his planned life for ever. Jeremy had been three months old. Gwen had had plans to visit her grandparents in New Castle. Chandler had been supposed to drive her up there but in the last minute his car had broke down and she had taken the train instead. That was the last time he had seen her. The train had derailed. After that her parents, as some sort of revenge, appealed for custody and it didn't surprise Chandler at all that they got it.   
Who would the judge have chosen, a middle-aged couple with child experience and a steady budget or him, a teenager with absolutely no experience or money? He had appealed to the court and they had finally come to the agreement that when Jeremy was his age he would learn the truth. Jeremy had always known that mr and mrs Marson were his grandparents and that his mom had died when he was little, but that was it. And now he would have a father.  
*****************  
Monica was standing by Chandler's front door trying to get herself to knock. She was feeling really nervous and anxious. She took a deep breath and knocked, after a few seconds Chandler opened.   
"Hi" she said and looked at him.   
"Hi" Chandler replied.   
There was an awkward silence then Monica spoke up.   
"Can I come in?" Chandler just nodded and stepped aside, making way. "What do you want?"   
Monica looked down to gain courage, it was obvious that he wasn't going to make it easy for her.   
"We need to talk" she said without looking at him.   
"I thought you said that we were done talking, it sure sounded like that at the hospital" Monica fringed when she heard his voice, it had such a lack of emotion.   
She began to wonder if she had really thought this through but when she saw him looking at her from the corner of his eye she felt a little bit of hope. Maybe it wasn't over.   
"I need to talk to you about that. After you left I talked to Phoebe and she told me about your conversation earlier and..." Monica looked him in the eye. "I'm sorry, I was wrong"   
Chandler snorted.   
"And you think I don't know that?"   
Monica was taken a back with his sarcasm.   
"Of course I know you know but I just wanted to..."   
"To what apologise? For what? Treating me like dirt? Why would you apologise for that?"   
Chandler didn't even let Monica get a say in the conversation but just went on oblivious to the fact that she had actually apologised.   
"When I read the letter I was actually stupid enough to think that you only left because of the baby. Admit it, you didn't want me to get involved did you? You didn't love me at all did you?"   
Monica just stood there staring at him, Chandler knew that he had gone too far but there was nothing he could do about it now.   
"How can you even say that? You were the one who didn't want a relationship!"   
"I never said that I didn't want a relationship I just said that I wanted to take it slow!" Chandler protested.   
"Exactly! Having a baby is not taking it slow, having a baby is speeding it up. I only did what I did because I love you" Monica said angrily.   
"If you really loved me you would've trusted me enough to tell me what was going on instead of running away!" Monica sighed.   
"This was a mistake I shouldn't have come here"   
She turned around to leave. Chandler suddenly got scared.   
He loved her so much and he couldn't deal with losing her twice.   
"Wait!" Monica turned around and looked at him.   
"What? You've got more accusations you want to unload?"   
He could hear the hurt in her voice and felt ashamed. Deep down inside he knew that she had only done what she thought would be best for the both of them.   
"No I... I want to apologise too" Monica gave him a confused look. "What do you want to apologise for?" she wondered and went up to him. "I should've told you how I really felt about you that night instead of chickening out. I really do love you Monica"   
Monica heard the sincerity in his voice and knew that he was telling her the truth.   
"I love you too" she whispered and looked down.   
Chandler lifted up her chin forcing her eyes to meet his.   
"Monica, as I said before, the baby was not the only reason you went away was it?"   
"How did you know?"   
"Call it a sixth sense"   
Monica swallowed.   
"I didn't know wether or not I would get to keep this baby. And... if I had lost it I would've had enough to worry about by myself without having to be concerned over how you would react"   
"In other words you were afraid that I would've reacted like Lewis?" Monica didn't dare to look him in the eye instead she just nodded. "Monica I wouldn't, and you know that"   
"I'm aware of that but a bad experience haunts you" she whispered and lifted her head meeting his gaze.   
"Monica, I'm not Lewis" Chandler confirmed softly.   
"And I'm not Julia" Monica replied.   
She could see Chandler fringe a little at the comment, so Rachel had been right. She avoided his glare for a while then slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that"   
"No you were right"   
Monica looked at him.   
"Really?" Chandler nodded.   
"It took me a while to realize that I was being absent"   
"Chandler I.." Monica began to speak but Chandler held up his hand in a gesture for her to stop.   
"Monica don't. I was absent and on some levels I compared you to Julia but not on purpose I swear"   
Monica looked hurt.   
"You compared us? How could you!?"   
"But you compared me with Lewis" Chandler defended himself even though he knew that it wasn't the same thing.   
"Why do you always do this?"   
Chandler looked at her confused.   
"Do what?"   
"Make everything turn around so that I get the blame whatever has happened"   
"I don't do that" Chandler protested.   
"Then what do you call it?" Monica wondered.   
"Questioning" Chandler proclaimed.   
"Ok but then if you have to question me how can you be so sure about where our relationship is going? You know what, for a moment I actually bought your little speech"   
"That was not a little speech that was the truth" Chandler protested. Monica looked at him.   
"You know what they say, there is a very fine line between sincerity and betrayal"   
"How is telling you I love you betrayal?"   
"It's betrayal because you're only doing it to make me feel better" Monica explained.   
Chandler couldn't believe his ears.   
"You think I'm lying to you? I would never do that!"   
"Wow that's so funny because at the hospital you told me that you were lying when you said that you didn't know where our relationship was going, don't you call that lying?" she wondered sarcastically.   
Chandler once again felt the anger build up inside him, he didn't know why Monica was so out of line but if it was a test he wanted to be sure that he would pass it.   
"You know what I think?" Monica shook her head.   
"Enlighten me"   
Chandler came close to her and looked her deeply in the eye.   
"I think you're desperately looking for reasons not to be with me" Monica looked surprised but didn't avoid his stare.   
"Chandler you know that that's not true" she said softly.   
"Then why are you doing this?" he wondered.   
Monica couldn't really think of an answer because she couldn't tell him that she was testing his love, it would just hurt him too much.   
"I'm just trying to do the right thing" she mumbled and looked down. Chandler sighed.   
"And why do you think staying here with me is the wrong thing?"   
"I don't, I just... I don't want to put any guilt trip on you"   
Chandler shook his head.   
"Oh Mon" he said softly.   
"Don't you get it? You're not laying any guilt trips on me, it's rather the other way around" Monica looked at him confused.   
"What do you mean?"   
"Here I am almost forcing you to choose me and making you feel guilty if you don't. I should just give you your space"   
Monica just stared at him.   
"How can you even think that? I would love to choose you. Everything I have wanted all long is to choose you, but..."   
"Monica why does there have to be a but? Why can't we just make it easy for eachother? The simple truth is that we were both wrong. I was wrong for lying that night and you were wrong for being convinced that I would react all commitment-freaked like I would've done six years ago. Ok?"   
Monica nodded.   
"I want it to be as simple as that"   
"It is" Chandler tried to convince her but Monica shook her head. "Chandler look at me"   
Chandler looked at her, confused.   
"Ok what am I seeing?"  
Monica began to tear up.   
"Chandler there is a baby growing inside of me, your baby. And everyday she gets a little bigger and soon it will be a baby that we can hold in our arms"   
"Monica don't you think I know that?"   
Monica swallowed and forced herself to not let her get wooed, not this time.   
"So how do you feel about that?" she wondered and begged for him to give her the answer she wanted. "Because up until now I've been assuming that you've been telling me the truth that you can handle this but I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I was wrong to believe you"   
Chandler sighed.   
"Monica what do you want from me? All I have to give you is my love, I can't give you faith or trust in me, that you'll have to produce yourself. The question is... can you do that?"   
Monica looked surprised but inside she was smiling, he had given her the right answer. The smile grew on her lips and she nodded slowly.   
"I can if you can" she replied and looked at him.   
"Do you even have to ask me?" Chandler wondered and smiled mischievously.   
Monica sniffled a laugh.   
"I guess not"   
Suddenly Chandler turned serious.   
"I have just one more thing I have to ask you" he said.   
"What?" Monica said and looked worried at his stern tone of voice. Chandler gave her a crocked smile.   
"Could I kiss you?"   
Monica's worried face lightened and she smiled.   
"I think I could allow that" she replied playfully.   
Chandler put his hand under her chin and softly kissed her on the lips. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you look?" he whispered and smiled slightly.   
"Thanks that was a sweet lie" Monica replied.   
"Who said I was lying?" Chandler wondered.   
"Look at me, what do you see?" Monica wondered again.   
Chandler took a few steps back and inspected her from head to toe.   
"I see a kind, warm, caring person who I love more than words can say" Monica looked at him.   
"I haven't exactly been kind, warm and caring for the past minutes"   
"I know but I'm counting in general" Chandler explained.   
Monica chuckled.   
"You must be blind because all I can see is a fat person"   
Chandler came up to her and hugged her from behind, placing his hands on her tummy.   
"You are not fat, you're pregnant. With my daughter, that's what makes you so beautiful"   
Monica sighed.   
"You have to say that because you're my boyfriend"   
Chandler shook his head.   
"No I'm saying it because it's true. Nothing is more beautiful than your girlfriend"   
"See it is because I'm your girlfriend that you're saying it"   
"So? I'm the only one that should count"   
Monica turned around and looked at him.   
"You are" she assured him.   
Chandler smirked.   
"I sure as hell hope so" he replied.  
*****************   
In the morning Monica went back to Pennsylvania to get her stuff and explain everything to Laura. Chandler on the other hand went to his job as usual. At first he had wanted to go with Monica and help her but she had convinced him that she would be fine. Now he was sitting in his office working when suddenly Marc entered.   
"Hi pal how's life treating you today?" he wondered and gave him a sympathetic look.   
"Great" Chandler replied and smiled.   
Marc looked at him.   
"Ok have you had a lobotomy recently?"  
Chandler shook his head.   
"No, why?"   
"Well you seem so... so... happy" Marc said.   
"That's because I am happy" Chandler proclaimed.   
"Why?" Marc wondered.   
Just as Chandler was about to reply his secretary buzzed him on the intercom.   
"Mr Bing there's a Monica Geller here to see you" she said.   
Marc eyes widened and he stared at Chandler who just smiled.   
"Send her in" he said through the intercom.   
"She's back!?" Marc wondered and looked at Chandler.   
Chandler just nodded.   
He got up from his chair as the door opened and Monica came in.   
She looked at Marc a bit nervous.   
"Hi Marc" she said.   
First Marc looked shocked then he smiled.   
"Nice to have you back" he said and gave her a small hug.   
Chandler went over to them.   
"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Pennsylvania by now" Monica shook her head.   
"The buss drivers have gone on strike so I need to borrow your car" "You know if you wait I could drive you" he said not really feeling good about Monica driving in her condition.   
Monica sighed.   
"Chandler I'm not blind"   
Chandler shrugged and handed her his car keys.   
"Thanks" she said and gave him a light kiss. "I'll see you later"   
"Bye" Marc said as she walked out, then he shut the door and turned to Chandler. "Oh my god!"   
"What?" Chandler wondered innocently.   
"You knocked her up!?" Chandler smiled sarcastically.   
"I love how you always find the right words"   
Marc was not amused.   
"Ok got her pregnant, made a baby, gave her a child, I don't care what you prefer to call it! Is that why she ran away?"   
Chandler nodded.   
"She thought that I would freak"   
"I would"   
"I know" Chandler said.   
"How did you find out, did she tell you, did she come back?"   
Chandler shook his head.   
"Phoebe found a note that she had written me so I went after her" Chandler explained, went over to his desk and sat down.   
Marc quickly sunk down in the chair opposite him.   
"I don't think that you've thought this through" he stated and looked at Chandler.   
Chandler looked confused.   
"Thought what through?" he wondered.   
Marc sighed.   
"This! Think about it, you'd be a father"   
Chandler just nodded.   
"A FATHER!" Marc repeated this time overly clear.   
Chandler rolled his eyes.   
"Ok do you have a point?"   
"How can you be ready for something like this? There's no way"   
"Hey I have done this before you know" Chandler confirmed.   
"What?"   
Chandler realized what he said.   
"Uhm, you know I used to baby-sit" he quickly tried to cover up.   
Marc ran his fingers through his hair.   
"Ok man that is not exactly the same thing. There is a very big difference between a couple of hours and a couple of... forever" Chandler sighed.   
"I know, but I don't care, I love Monica and she loves me"   
"Ok either you are very much in love or you are a complete idiot" Marc confirmed.   
Chandler smirked.   
"If you put it like that. I'm an idiot... in love"  
*****************   
As Monica entered the restaurant she immediately spotted John in the bar. When he saw her he hurried up to her.   
"Where were you!?" he wondered angrily but she could hear the worriedness in his voice. "Laura said that you didn't come home last night and no one has heard anything from you"   
Monica felt a bit ashamed.   
With all the stuff that had happened last night she had completely forgotten to call Laura to tell her where she was. Suddenly she noticed that John was still looking at her, demanding an explanation.   
"Where's Laura?" she wondered.   
"She's in her office" Marc said and followed her as she headed for Laura's office.   
When she entered Laura stood up and went over to her.   
"Where were you? Are you ok? Why didn't you call?" she asked.   
"What happened? Did you run into that girl you were avoiding? What did she say?" Marc asked her at the same time.   
Monica sighed.   
"Ok you two sit down and I'll explain"   
John and Laura immediately sat down and looked at her.   
"So what happened?" Laura repeated.   
"Well after I had left the restaurant I went to the park and I ran into someone"   
"Who? That girl?" John wondered.   
Monica shook her head.   
"Worse. Chandler"   
Laura gasped.   
"Oh my god! What happened?"   
"I fainted" Monica proclaimed.   
"You what?"   
"Yeah it came as such a surprise to me that I thought I was delusional" "How did he find you?" John wondered.   
"Before I left I wrote him a letter explaining why I took of but I threw it in the trash. One of my friends found it and showed it to him"   
"Did he freak like you thought he would?" Laura asked.   
Monica shook her head.   
"No he got hurt"   
"Why?"   
"Because I hadn't told him about the baby, it turns out that he wouldn't have left me. So we got back together"   
John and Laura looked at eachother in disbelief.   
"Ok honey, not to be mean or anything but what if he got back to you out of guilt"   
Monica sighed.   
"That's what I thought at first but after I talked with the others I changed my mind. Could you just try and be happy for me?"   
Laura smiled.   
"Of course where happy for you"   
She got up and gave Monica a hug.   
"I guess that means that you're going back to New York huh?"   
Monica nodded.   
"I was going to go back there sooner of later anyway"   
"Do you need help packing?" Laura wondered.   
Monica shook her head.   
"Naah I didn't bring so much stuff"   
"So I guess this is it" Laura smiled and gave her a hug. "Take care" Monica returned her smile.   
"I will"   
"I'll walk you out" John offered and followed her.   
Well out on the street he turned to her with a sad smirk on his face. "Now that you're leaving who will I flirt with all the time?"   
Monica giggled.   
"I'm sure you'll find another innocent victim to torture pretty soon" John tried to look insulted.   
"Are you saying that there's something wrong with my technique?"   
He looked serious for about five seconds then his face cracked up into a smile.   
"Goodbye" he said and gave her a hug.   
"Bye"   
John turned around to walk away.   
"John?"   
John turned around.   
"I wanna thank you for... being there when I needed to talk" Monica explained. "That was really nice of you"   
John smiled.   
"Don't worry about it babe" he said, turned around and continued to walk.  
*****************   
Chandler was sitting at his desk working when Marc entered. "Hi buddy" he said. Chandler looked up.   
"Well there's a face I haven't seen for a while" he stated and closed his computer before Marc got a chance to see what he was doing.   
"What are you doing here?"   
Marc smiled wide.   
"I have something important to ask you" he proclaimed.   
"What?" Chandler wondered.   
"Will you be my best man?"  
There was a long pause.  
"Hello? Anyone home?" Marc wondered and waved his hand in front of Chandler's face.   
Chandler finally snapped out of it and smiled.   
"Of course I'll be your best man! So you finally asked her huh?"   
Marc just nodded.   
"So whens the big event?" he wondered.   
"In three weeks"   
"Three weeks?"   
"It was the only time that the chapel she wanted would be available" he explained.   
"What chapel is it?" Chandler wondered.   
Marc twisted his hands nervously.   
"Ok that is the part you might not like"   
Chandler sighed.   
"Please don't tell me it's the place were I got married"   
"It's the place were you got married" Marc confirmed.   
"I told you not to tell me that!"   
"But you'll still be my best man wont you?" Marc wondered. "Please!" Chandler nodded.   
"Of corse I will"   
Marc let out a sigh of relief.   
"I knew I could count on you. Ok I gotta go tell Jamie so that she can get on with her arrangements. See you later"   
Before Chandler got a chance to reply he was gone. Chandler sighed, now he had three things to worry about: Marc's wedding, Jeremy's reaction and Monica's reaction.   
Maybe he shouldn't tell Monica at all he thought but then changed his mind. She had a right to know but now was not the time.  
*****************   
When Chandler entered Monica's apartment he found her sitting together with Jamie on the couch, talking excitedly. When she heard him enter she got up and gave him a kiss.   
"Guess what happened!" she shrieked.   
"What?"   
"Jamie just asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding!" Chandler smiled.   
"Lucky for you I'm the best man so I'll get to escort you to your place" he replied.   
Jamie looked up.   
"Good now I got that confirmed"   
She wrote something down in the pad she was holding.   
"Marc said that he would tell you" Chandler said confused.   
Jamie nodded.   
"He did but I wanted to hear it from you too"   
She put her pad in her bag, got up and started walking towards the door. "Ok now I have to go see about bridesmaids dresses... and I think we'll have to sow yours out a bit" she added and shot a meaningful glare at Monica's tummy.   
"Bye"   
"Bye" Chandler replied and shut the door after her.   
"Isn't this exciting?" Monica wondered and smiled.   
In her mind she was already picturing the wedding. Chandler returned her smile but she thought he looked a bit uncomfortable.   
"What's wrong?" she wondered.   
"You don't want to go? Because we could stay home"   
Chandler shook his head.   
"No no of course we're going" he said and tried to produce a more believable smile. "They're two of our best friends" he added.   
Monica's worried face was replaced with a smile.   
"I know. It's gonna be so great!"   
Chandler just nodded.   
Great, he thought, they would just have to see about that.  
*****************   
"I can't believe that in a few moments I'm going to be married!" Jamie shrieked looking in the mirror, making sure that the crown was perfectly placed.   
"I know" Monica stated and removed a dead flower from her bridesmaid bouquet.   
She was in the dressing room in the church helping Jamie to get ready. "What if something goes wrong? What if I trip and fall when I'm walking down the aisle?"   
Monica chuckled.   
"Don't worry so much you're gonna do fine. You did have a practice ceremony yesterday"   
Jamie nodded.   
"I know but still. This is the real thing and I want it to go perfect"   
"It will" Monica assured her.   
She stood next to Jamie and looked at her reflection.   
"God I look like a giant watermelon"   
Jamie gave her a small hug.   
"No you look great. How do I look?"   
Monica smiled.   
"Like you're having the happiest day of your life"   
Jamie nodded.   
"I am. And who knows maybe soon you'll walk down the altar in the white dress"   
"Jamie..." Monica said warningly.   
Ever since Jamie and Marc had decided to get married she had been on Monica's back nagging about her getting married as well. Jamie sighed. "What?! Don't tell me you've never thought about you and Chandler getting married"   
Monica shook her head.   
"Sure I've thought about it but it's way too soon. In a couple of years, maybe..."   
She didn't get to finish her sentence because there was a knock on the door and Chandler entered.   
"Are you girls ready?"   
Both Jamie and Monica nodded.   
"Ok then I guess there's no turning back" he added and smirked. "I'll go and tell everyone that you're on your way"   
He shut the door.   
Jamie turned to Monica.   
"This is it"   
Monica smiled.   
"Relax you'll do great" she said encouraging.   
"Ok but Monica remember one thing"   
"What?"   
Jamie smirked.   
"Be alert when it's time for me to throw the bouquet"  
*****************   
Monica was getting a little bit sick of dancing. After the ceremony they had all gone to the tent where the after party was held. Right now they were doing a sort of a dance game.   
Whenever the music would stop you had to change partners, it didn't matter who you danced with as long as you danced with somebody. Right now she was dancing with one of Jamie's great uncle's who had trouble with the steps.   
She let out a sigh of relief when she heard the music stop. But just as she was about to make her way to a chair Marc cut in in front of her. "May I have this dance?" he wondered and smiled mischievously.   
At first she was going to say no but decided that one dance couldn't hurt.   
"Sure" she said, took his hand and they started to dance.   
They danced under silence and Monica felt that she had to say something.   
"So... how do you feel now that your're a married man?" she wondered. Marc grinned.   
"It's great"   
There was a silence again.   
"It was a very beautiful ceremony" Monica stated.   
Marc nodded.   
"Yeah that chapel really is something. And it was kind of fun that I was saying 'I do' instead of Chandler"   
Suddenly he realized what he said and froze, as did Monica.   
"Oh god I was not supposed to say that" he sighed.   
Monica's instant reaction was to ask him what he wasn't supposed to say but when she thought it over she decided to pretend that she knew what he was talking about.   
If he thought that she knew it might trick him to reveal what he hadn't wanted her to hear.   
"It's ok Marc, I knew" she said instead.   
Marcs eyes grew wide.   
"He told you?"   
Monica nodded.   
"At first he didn't seem to glad about going to the wedding but after we talked about it he gave in. And from the looks of it I'd say he's having a good time"   
Marc nodded in agreement.   
"I know. He's taking it all surprisingly well"   
"Yeah" Monica replied still not having the slightest idea what he was talking about.   
"To be honest I didn't know how he was going to react when he was standing at the same altar where he and Julia got married"   
Monica froze and just stared at him blankly.   
Marc noticed that she had stopped dancing.   
"Are you ok?" he wondered.   
Monica looked up at his concerned face and forced herself to give him a calming smile.   
"Yeah I just got a little woozy"   
"Maybe you should sit down?"   
Monica nodded thankful for an excuse to stop dancing.   
As she sat down on a chair nearby the dancefloor Chandler came up to her.   
"What happened?" he wondered.   
"It's nothing I just got a little woozy" she explained and gave him a comforting look.   
Meanwhile the old lady Chandler had been dancing with started to look impatient and poked him on the shoulder. Chandler's eyes swayed between Monica and the old lady. Monica nodded at him to continue to dance. "Are you sure you're ok?" he wondered and looked her in the eye. Monica nodded.   
"I'm fine I just got to catch my breath. Now away you go"   
She shoved him back to the old lady.   
He started to dance every now and then he eyed Monica making sure she was alright. Monica sighed. She was far from alright but that was for them to talk about when they got home and not here.   
*****************   
Chandler and Monica left the party a short while after Jamie and Marc. With the honour guests gone they had no particular reason for staying. Especially since they didn't know anybody there. Monica had been unusually quiet on the ride back but Chandler figured she was tired so he let her be. He took of her coat and hung it next to his own and turned to look at her. She had a serious if not a little nervous look in her eyes. "Is something bothering you?" he wondered but Monica didn't answer him instead she went into his kitchen.   
Chandler followed. Monica was pouring herself a glass of juice.   
"Monica" he said again.   
Monica ignored him and put the cartoon back in the fridge.   
"Hello? Have you gone deaf or something?"   
Monica turned around.   
"No, I heard you, I just choose not to answer" she replied.   
Chandler sighed.   
"Now I know something is bothering you"   
"Wow you were actually able to figure that out?" she said sarcastic. "Ok what did I do now?" he wondered.   
Monica sighed.   
"Sit" she ordered him.   
Chandler and Monica sat down opposite eachother.   
"Well?" he said after she hadn't said anything for while.   
"It's not what you did. It's what you didn't do" she said and paused. "Why didn't you tell me about the chapel?" she continued and looked him in the eye.   
Chandler swallowed.   
"What do you mean?" he wondered trying to sound oblivious.   
Monica rolled her eyes.   
"You can quit it with the innocent act, Marc already told me"   
"Oh" Chandler didn't really know what to say.   
"All I want to know is why you didn't feel like you could tell me" Monica explained.   
Chandler thought she looked a thad hurt.   
"I... I didn't think it was that important" he said after a moments silence.   
"Of course it was" Monica protested. "It shows that after all this time you still wont open up to me"   
"Come on you know that that isn't true"   
Monica nodded.   
"It is, Chandler and you know it. Every time you think I'm getting too close you shut down"   
"I'm just doing it to protect you" he said and at once realized how stupid that sounded.   
"Protect me from what? The truth? You can't protect someone from the truth unless you'd think it would hurt them or destroy them. This you just kept inside because you didn't want me to know. In a way that's sweet but you've got to stop thinking that I can't handle what you have to say to me. I'm not some weak branch that will break if you expose me to pressure. I'm perfectly capable of handling whatever it is that you keep within" she said softly but firm.   
'I wish I could believe you' he thought to himself. He looked up and noticed Monica's facial expression demanding him to give her an explanation. The problem was that he didn't have an explanation. Ever since he had been a little boy he hadn't liked to share his secrets or his most inner thoughts with anyone.   
They were private and often personal and he thought that they should remain that way. It also had something to do with all the mocking he had been exposed to as a child do to his parents messed up lives.   
At an early age he had learned to push aside the taunting with the simple excuse 'they don't know me'. When he got older that had just stuck with him and now keeping his thoughts to himself just came as a forceful reflex. His mind was nobody else's business but his own.   
On rare occasions when he had been nailed down he would confess what had been on his mind and one of two things would normally happen. Either they thought that he was joking or they thought his thoughts were stupid or immature. Chandler learned a long time ago that the less you expose yourself to someone the less wonerable you are, he liked that. When Julia had finally gotten him to open up she hadn't mocked him, instead she did the completely opposite. She listened to what he had to say without dismissing his thoughts immediately.   
Lately Monica had done that as well but he still thought about how it had been when they were just friends, back then she could've dismissed him immediately and he wouldn't have gotten offended.   
Back then he knew that she had only been kidding as she usually would talk to him about her own thoughts when they were alone, then listen more awakely to his and then judge from what she thought about it.   
But now she was serious, they were serious, and that changed everything. Now if he opened himself up completely he would be easy to break down just like he had been as a child.   
"Chandler!"   
Chandler flinched startled. He hadn't noticed that he had drifted off, now he looked straight into Monica's annoyed and impatient eyes.   
"Don't you think that I deserve an answer to my question?" she wondered.   
'What question?' he was about to ask but changed his mind. It would only make matters worse if she found out that he didn't have the slightest idea what she was talking about. Instead he just stared at her blankly. Monica sighed.   
"I knew it"   
She got up and left the kitchen heading for the stairs.   
Chandler just sat there dumbstruck.   
'She knew what?' he asked himself but couldn't find an answer.   
To simply tell her the truth would be to expose himself anyway, not that he had much choice he thought as he heard his bedroom door slam. He got up from the chair and slowly went up the stairs, well outside his door he stopped and weighed a bit, unsure if he should knock or just proceed. Before he could finish his thoughts the door opened and Monica emerged in her own clothes with the bridesmaid dress in her hand. Without saying a word to him she went down the stair and reached for her coat.   
"Where are you going?" he wondered as he came down the stairs. "Home" Monica replied shortly and put her coat on.   
"Monica you're overreacting" Chandler said.   
His tone was, unintentionally almost patronising and just managed to make her even more angry.   
"You know after all the years we've been friends I thought I knew you, as it turns out you're just as much a stranger to me as you are to all the rest"   
"How can you say that? You know more about me than anyone else" Monica sighed.   
"Still you don't let me know about the stuff that really matter, at least not anymore. What changed?"  
Chandler, who had stopped in the stairs, went down and walked up to Monica.   
"We changed" he said softly.   
Monica looked confused.   
"How?"   
"Before when I told you stuff you were just a friend but now we're involved and it's not the same telling you everything anymore"   
"Why?" she demanded to know.   
Chandler sighed, it was much easier to think about what you would say than to say what you thought.   
"Because... when we were just friends I didn't care how I came off in your eyes, now I do"   
Monica couldn't help but smile although she was trying to keep her cool. He seemed like a helpless puppy on sale, who didn't know wether or not he was going to be picked up out of the basket.   
"Chandler you shouldn't care so much. To me you are the same guy that you've always been, except now I've gotten to see other sides of you and I like them. But to me you will always be the same guy"   
Chandler sighed inside.   
Maybe it wasn't different for her but it was different for him. He hadn't let his wall down completely since he had built it up.   
"Monica don't take it personal but I don't think I can open up completely"   
"I wouldn't ask you to do that. I just want you to feel like you can trust me"   
"I do trust" he assured her. "Maybe too much"   
"How can you trust someone too much?" she wondered.   
Chandler signed for them to sit.   
They both went over to the couch and sat down.   
"Before I moved away, Monica I didn't only trust you, I depended on you"   
Monica raised an eyebrows.   
"I had no idea about that"   
Chandler smirked embarrassed.   
"No I was careful to hide it. Anyway my point is. Do you know the reason that I accepted the job transfer to Staten Island?"   
Monica thought for a while.   
"Because it paid more and if you hadn't choosen it you would have gotten fired?" she guessed.   
Chandler nodded.   
"That's partly true, but the main reason that I moved was because of you"   
Monica looked surprised.   
"Me?"   
"Yeah I wanted to prove to myself that I could do without you because I knew that sooner or later you were probably gonna move away and get married and do all the stuff that you always wanted to do and I couldn't stand to just sit by and watch it happen. Monica, the truth of the matter is that some time before I left I had developed somewhat of a crush on you, nothing big but I thought we could have fun together. But time went by and nothing happened. I had gotten offered that transfer before and that was my last chance in getting it. That's why I asked you if I could be your boyfriend. When you declined it was the push I needed to take the job, since I knew that nothing was going to happen between us" He smirked. "Boy was I wrong"   
Monica couldn't help but chuckle.   
"Yeah, bummer huh?"  
Chandler suddenly turned serious.   
"Monica I can try and be more open and share my feeling but it can't happen over night"   
"I know that. I couldn't ask for more than what you're offering" she said softly and gave him a light kiss.   
"So where ok?" he wondered and smiled.   
Monica nodded.   
"Of course"   
"Are you going to take off your coat now?" he wondered and smirked.   
*****************   
Monica looked at the guestroom in disbelief.   
"We're gonna what?" she said and turned to Chandler.   
"We're gonna make this a nursery" Chandler repeated.   
Monica just shook her head and inspected the room. It was now not so much a guestroom as it was a storage room with loads of magazines and books on the shelves, an antique desk was almost interly covered of dust and its chair was weighing a tower of old CD:s.   
"You're kidding right?" she said pleading.   
Chandler sighed.   
"Ok I know it doesn't look much but if you get rid of..." he motioned towards the desk "...all this and with a bit of paint and new furniture it could be as good as new"   
Monica had to admit that there was something in what he said, it was a beautiful room even it now was covered in junk.   
"Yeah but..."   
She desperately tried to find an argument but it was harder than she had thought. Finally she gave in.   
"Ok fine"   
Chandler smiled.   
"This is gonna be so great" he proclaimed and gave her a quick kiss. Monica sighed a bit when she remembered something.   
"What am I going to tell Phoebe? She'll be left without a roommate" "Didn't you tell her that we were moving in together?" he wondered. "Yeah I went up in the middle of the night and called her" Monica explained sarcastic. "No but seriously, what am I going to do?"   
"Doesn't Phoebe have enough money to live there alone?" he wondered. Monica thought for a while.   
"Maybe but still, she's been so kind to me"   
"You know what they say; 'That's what friends are for'" Chandler replied and smirked.   
"Yeah that was nicely put" Monica said.   
"Ok how about this, you took her in years ago when she had nowhere to live. She moved back in with you to repay that favor and now you're even"   
"You make it sound like a mafia deal, but I see your point" she admitted. She looked around a bit.   
"Now there still are a few more factors to consider"   
"Like what?"   
"What am I going to do about my job? Where are we going to place all my stuff and further more, how are we going to get all my stuff here?" Chandler thought for a while.   
"Ok I'll just put some of this stuff in the garage and we can get your stuff over here by using the good minds of our friends. And for your work... ask Jamie. She lives a few blocks away and she still works with you. You guys could go together or something like that"   
Monica looked at him for a while.   
"How much time did you spend coming up with answers to the possible questions I was going to ask"   
Chandler looked defeated.   
"About an hour" he admitted sheepishly.  
*****************   
Monica inspected the room again. She had finally gotten rid of most of the things on the desk including the centimetre thick layer of dust. It had turned out to very beautiful once all the crap was taken off it. She sighed when she looked over at the bookshelf.   
She had a lot of work to complete. She didn't know why but Chandler had insisted that she left the shelves for him to clean but she didn't have anything to do and she couldn't stand being around such an dusty thing. First she drew a dustfeather over the books trying to get rid of the thickest layer of dust then she started taking the books out.   
Always liking being organised she divided them into groups depending on authors, size and relevance. When she got to the top shelf she noticed that it wasn't as dusty as the rest.   
Feeling with the dustfeather behind the books it stuck to something.   
It was too high for her to see so she got up on a chair to inspect her find. After reaching in as far as she could she finally got out whatever it was from the shelf. It turned out to be a pretty large unlabelled box. Her first thought was that it was something of Julia's but as far as she knew Chandler had almost all of her things up in the attic.   
At last her curiosity took over and she decided to open it. When she saw what it contained she got a shock. It was filled with pictures of some boy who was like a younger version of Chandler. There were picture's from the boys childhood, and newer pictures when he was a teenager. Closest to the bottom she also found a thick, blue paper file.   
It contained about twenty pages of something that she didn't care to look what it was. Her eyes were focused on the birth-certificate that was on top.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...   
  
FINAL NOTES:  
1. Many people are probably tired of the whole Monica pregnant/running away thing but I never read another fanfic in which she comes back. Although she probably wouldn't react like that anyway. Intentionally I was thinking about just letting nothing like that happen and just focus on Chandler's secret, but then the story got too short so I needed something to drag it out with.   
2. The reason that I have kept the dates pretty vague is because I honestly don't know how old they are or when their birthdays are. I remember Monica saying in season 3 that she was 28 but I have no idea how old that would make Chandler so I just skipped mentioning the precise years.  
3. I have only attended a wedding once and then I was six years old so I have no idea what so ever about how the ceremony is done or how everbody walks down the aisle (to tell the truth I don't really care either).  
4. I can't take credit for some of the lines in the fight though I borrowed them from "The bold and the beautiful" because I thought they were cute.  
5. When I wrote that whole Yin and Yang thing I was pretty much out of ideas also I wanted to make people aware of what Taoism is, because I love it.   
  



End file.
